Understanding that feeling of Overwhelm: Why perimenopause and menopause can reduce stress tolerance in midlife women

There's a particular brand of panic that arrives uninvited somewhere between your late thirties and early fifties. Not the manageable sort where you've misplaced your keys or forgotten to reply to an important email. This is different. This is the sensation of drowning whilst standing perfectly still in your own kitchen, staring at the dishwasher, unable to remember whether you've already put the tablets in or not, and suddenly feeling as though the entire architecture of your competence is collapsing around you.

If you've experienced this, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. If you haven't, consider yourself fortunate, though your time may yet come.

I spent years as a relatively calm, methodical person. Problems arose, I addressed them. Deadlines loomed, I met them. Life threw its inevitable complications my way and I navigated them with what I considered reasonable grace. Then something shifted. Or rather, my hormones did.

Many women experience this sudden overwhelm during perimenopause and menopause, when hormonal fluctuations affect how the brain processes stress, emotion and cognitive load.

The Shift

It started subtly. A meeting that would once have felt routine suddenly felt insurmountable. Three emails requiring responses became an avalanche. The thought of planning dinner, something I'd done thousands of times became paralysing. What used to be a mental to-do list transformed into a cacophony of competing urgencies, each one screaming for immediate attention, none of them willing to queue politely.

The medical term is "perimenopause" or "menopause," depending on where you are in the journey. The lived experience is feeling as though someone has replaced your operating system overnight without providing any instructions. Your body, that reliable vessel that's carried you through decades, suddenly seems to be speaking a language you don't understand.

The overwhelm isn't just emotional. It's physical, visceral. Your chest tightens. Your breath shortens. Your mind races whilst simultaneously grinding to a halt. You're simultaneously doing too much and unable to do anything at all. It's suffocating, disorienting and frankly, terrifying.

Why Perimenopause and Menopause Can Trigger Overwhelm and Anxiety

What's happening isn't weakness or failure, though it certainly feels that way. Hormonal fluctuations, particularly declining estrogen and progesterone, affect neurotransmitters in the brain. These hormones have been regulating your stress response, mood and cognitive function for decades. When they start their erratic dance of decline, your brain's ability to manage stress changes fundamentally.

Oestrogen, it turns out, plays a rather crucial role in how we process and respond to stress. It influences serotonin and dopamine, those neurotransmitters responsible for mood regulation and that sense of "I've got this." When oestrogen levels fluctuate wildly or decline, your stress response amplifies. What once registered as a minor irritation now triggers a full-scale emergency response.

Add to this the physical symptoms, hot flushes interrupting your sleep, brain fog making you forget words mid-sentence, fatigue that no amount of coffee can touch and you have the perfect storm for feeling utterly overwhelmed by life's most basic demands.

Getting a Handle on It

The good news, if there is any, is that understanding what's happening is half the battle. Once you realise you're not losing your mind but rather experiencing a predictable biological process, you can start to implement strategies.

Talk to your doctor. Medical options, including menopause hormone therapy, may be discussed with a qualified clinician, alongside lifestyle and behavioural support. For some women, it's transformative. For others, different approaches work better. The point is to have the conversation. Too many of us suffer in silence, believing this is simply what aging looks like for women, when in fact there are options.

Simplify ruthlessly. This is not the season of life to be taking on new commitments or saying yes to everything. Your capacity has changed, not permanently, but for now, and honoring that isn't giving up. It's wisdom. Cut your to-do list in half. Then cut it in half again. Focus on what truly matters and let the rest wait.

Externalise your brain. When your cognitive load feels too heavy, write everything down. Use lists, calendars, reminders, notes on your phone. Don't rely on your memory when your memory is currently on sabbatical. This isn't defeat; it's adaptation.

Move your body. Exercise has been shown to help regulate mood and reduce anxiety. You don't need to train for a marathon. A daily walk, some yoga, dancing in your kitchen, movement helps discharge some of that overwhelming energy and gives your body something constructive to do with the stress response.

Find your people. Talk to other women going through this. The relief of discovering you're not alone, that this isn't personal failure but shared experience, cannot be overstated. We've been conditioned to be stoic and capable, to handle everything gracefully. Scrap that. Find women who understand and talk honestly.

Practice the pause. When overwhelm hits, stop. Literally stop moving. Sit down if you can. Take five deep breaths. Count them. This interrupts the panic spiral long enough for your rational brain to remember that you're actually safe, that nothing requires immediate action, that you can handle one thing at a time.

Adjust your standards. Perfectionism and perimenopause are mortal enemies. If the house is untidy, so be it. If dinner is scrambled eggs on toast, congratulations, you've eaten. If you accomplish one thing today instead of twelve, you've accomplished something. This phase requires lowering the bar, not raising it.

The Long View

Here's what I wish someone had told me earlier: this isn't forever. The acute overwhelm, the paralysing anxiety, the sense that everything is too much, these symptoms do settle. Your body will find a new equilibrium. Your brain will adjust to its changed hormonal landscape. You will feel like yourself again, though perhaps a different version of yourself.

In the meantime, be extraordinarily kind to the woman in the mirror. She's navigating something profound and difficult, and she's doing it whilst the world continues to expect her to function perfectly. The bravest thing you can do is admit it's hard, ask for help and give yourself permission to do less.

Your body isn't betraying you. It's changing. And you're strong enough to change with it, even when it doesn't feel that way. Especially when it doesn't feel that way.

The dishwasher, by the way, can wait.

You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone

If this sense of overwhelm has been creeping into your days, if you feel less resilient, more reactive or quietly exhausted by how much harder everything seems,  you are not weak, broken, or “losing it.”

You are responding to a real physiological and psychological transition, one that deserves understanding and support rather than minimisation.

This is where my work as The Menopause Health Coach fits in. I help women make sense of what’s happening in their bodies and nervous systems, translate evidence into practical daily strategies and rebuild habits that support steadier energy, clearer thinking and greater emotional capacity, without extremes or judgement.

If you’d like support navigating this phase with clarity and compassion, you’re very welcome to book a Menopause Heart-to-Heart chat. It’s a calm, no-pressure conversation to help you work out what might help you feel more grounded again.

Book here: https://www.themenopausehealthcoach.com/contact

You don’t need to wait until you’re at breaking point. Support now can change how this whole transition feels.

References

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   Demonstrates increased vulnerability to mood disturbance during the menopausal transition.

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   Details how hormonal fluctuation (rather than deficiency alone) affects emotional regulation and stress tolerance.

5. Gunter J.
   The Menopause Manifesto. Citadel Press, 2021.
   Evidence-based discussion of perimenopause, menopause, and the psychological impact of hormonal change.

6. British Menopause Society (BMS).
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   Confirms that fluctuating hormones during perimenopause can significantly affect mood, sleep, cognition and quality of life.